Writer Seeks Reader

EXCERPT FROM THE WEDDING GIFT, MY NEW VSN (VERY SHORT NOVEL)

2010-03-07T20:58:50Z

The coffee maker is the fourth most popular wedding gift in Minnesota, after toasters, candlesticks, and silver-plated Lutefisk tongs. For best results, coffee beans should not be ground; rather they should be pulverized and reshaped using nanotechnology into dodecahedrons no larger than .6 millimeters. This shape provides maximal surface area of the beanlet relative to the size of the water ...

The Writer Hat

2010-01-31T15:50:16Z

I have taken to wearing a hat that says Writer on it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm trying to convince others or remind myself. But the truth is, it's a comfortable hat.

The Best Comedy on Television

2010-01-25T16:52:22Z

Cougar Town, despite the unfortunate title, is the best comedy on television.

There are two kinds of television comedies: those that make fun of their characters and those that have fun with their characters. Readers of this blog will know that I am a proponent of the second methodology, but the first can also be effective (cf. 30 Rock or Seinfeld). There is a rare third kind that crosses the ...

Excerpt from The Wedding Gift, My New VSN (Very Short Novel)

2010-01-21T10:11:04Z

In 1961, a group of social anthropologists, eminent their field and expert in all human cultures, gathered in Las Vegas to ascertain the secret to a good marriage. Their report is expected any day now.

Walking Home

2010-01-16T20:36:05Z

To finish the moment, to find the journey's end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Experience

The Numerology of Wolfram

2010-01-07T10:21:25Z

Numerology for Wolfram the Dog

For Dad from the Boys

2010-01-01T22:05:00Z

Eugene D. (Trapper) Evans Sr.
Born October 8, 1922, in Callender, Iowa
Departed Dec. 13, 2009, in Rockville, Maryland

There are these two golfers. They’re on the tee getting ready to hit when one of them spots a funeral procession going by. So he takes off his hat and holds it over his heart. And the other golfer says “you know, that was really thoughtful”. The first golfer puts his hat back on and says “well, she was a good wife for 25 years…”

That was one of Dad’s jokes. He was the best storyteller, but his signature phrase was “I just tell ‘em; I don’t explain ‘em”.

He was an Iowa farm boy who joined the Navy and moved east to marry our mother, a salesman and manager at General Electronics on Wisconsin Avenue, and for many years a fixture at Redgate golf course in Rockville as a golfer and a card shark.

His nickname was Trapper, because as a young man he ran a trapline in Iowa. He ran a pool hall in his wild, younger days. In the Navy during WWII, he served on troop transports in the North Atlantic. He loved to sing, and had a fine tenor voice and wonderful talent for harmony. He studied journalism for a bit at George Washington University and was a talented writer. He could do long arithmetic calculations in his head, and he made us do them at the dinner table when we were growing up – loser did the dishes. He was retired for almost as many years as he worked.

And he found so much joy in life. He loved John Wayne movies, Swiss steak, golf – playing and watching, big band music, any dog, keno and scratch-offs, walking, Louis L’Amour, Burger King, Trapper Sandwiches at Redgate, Barbra Streisand, Lefse, English history, his friends, his family (immediate and extended), and most of all our mother, Mary Alice, his wife of 63 years. When his illness took one joy away, he simply found even more joy in the rest. His courage and grace in these last few years inspired us every day.

We have been imagining the scene in Heaven when he got there: his mother Alma baking pies; his father Ray and our brother Mike discussing the best fishing spots; his brothers Jimmy and Wally and his buddy Dave Baldwin playing cards while his sister Vionne tries to keep the peace. But first to greet him we imagine were his dogs, Pal baying in the distance, Rufus with a tennis ball in his mouth, and Grendel curling quietly at his feet.

To paraphrase Dad a bit here:

There are these two golfers in heaven. While they are waiting to hit they see this guy on the tee with long hair and a beard and he swings and hits the ball out of sight, a country mile. One golfer says “who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?” And the other golfer says “He is Jesus Christ, he thinks he’s Gene Evans”.

Enjoy Heaven, Dad. We'll miss you.

DuWayne, Steve, and Chris

Mall of America: The Untold Story

2009-11-26T15:21:56Z

The Mall of America was originally constructed by the Mayan civilization after they migrated to Bloomington, Minnesota, in 832 AD. The edifice was quickly abandoned after the Mayans decided it was too damn cold and moved to a condo in Boca Raton. In the Mayan language , Boca Raton means "you are standing on my foot", which leads many archeologists to conclude that it was a two bedroom ...

Great Thoughts

2009-11-21T17:42:30Z

Foolish hobgoblins have consistently little minds.

The little minds of fools have consistent hobgoblins.

The foolish minds of hobgoblins have little consistency.

(I know there's a Great Thought in there somewhere...)

I Dreamed Last Night that I was Dating Jennifer Aniston

2009-11-20T14:52:58Z

On a separate note, I now believe in infinite alternate quantum realities.

Zero Slope

2009-11-18T19:29:38Z

Zero Tolerance and The Slippery Slope are rhetorical devices, intended to short-circuit intelligent decisions rather than promote them. Have zero tolerance for the slippery slope and avoid the slippery slope of zero tolerance.Okay, just this once.

Mall of America: The Untold Story

2009-11-17T15:21:56Z

I Think

2009-11-16T16:09:36Z

I should stop thinking so much. It only leads to more thinking. I think.

My Version of The Love Song of J.Alfred Prufrock

2009-11-15T10:21:25Z

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky.
I'm thinking IHOP.

I Think that's How Much my Latte Costs

2009-10-22T16:16:14Z

Have I got a deal for you! http://www.kidsofkilimanjaro.org/

WHY REPUBLICANS SHOULD SUPPORT HEALTH CARE REFORM

2009-10-18T14:33:00Z

Americans have a strong entrepreneurial streak. But this streak is tempered by practicality and family responsibility. During the current recession, people with jobs kept them out of fear of unemployment. But before this recession, many Americans stayed in their jobs out of a fear of losing their access to affordable health insurance.

If some form of the proposed health care reform package is passed, Americans will have far greater access to affordable health insurance and far more protection from losing their coverage. So once the recession is over, we are likely to see an explosion of entrepreneurial activity. America could conceivably become a nation of business owners. And the GOP tells us, increased business leads to increased national wealth, and higher tax receipts, helping to lower projected fiscal deficits.

As the reputed champions (and beneficiaries) of small business, Republicans should get on board with health care reform as soon as possible.

Still waiting for the joke, aren't you?

Shakespeare: A Little Known Fact

2009-10-10T17:26:00Z

Williamsburg, VA, was named after William Shakespeare, who emigrated to America after his death in 1616. He originally landed on the island of Manhattan, but moved south after discovering the New Amsterdam theater scene consisted mostly of Disney musicals.

Writing Literary Fiction

2009-10-09T01:22:00Z

The best thing about writing literary fiction is that you send a thought out into the Universe and you never know who's not reading it.

THE COMEDY OF HAMLET

2009-09-02T00:35:00Z

Hamlet is a comedy with the wrong ending, as Stoppard rightly saw. But then life is a comedy with the wrong ending, as Shakespeare rightly saw.

I AM THE ANTI-FLAUBERT

2009-08-23T20:51:00Z

I'm not saying it's a good thing.